It Hurts

Denise Howard

I held the baby and the baby stopped crying, looking up at me like I was the only person in the world that would make the crying stop.

I watched the baby walk for the first time and reminded myself the baby wasn't walking away from me, it was just doing what it had too.

I watched the baby, little yellow book bag and matching lunch sack in tow, go into the first day of school. Didn't need me to divert the day anymore.

I sat with the baby while reading. Didn't need me to read the hard words anymore.

I watched the baby leave for a first date. Just a school dance I told myself, no big deal.

I watched the baby graduate from high school. Cap and gown. So much learned and I didn't have a thing to do with it.

I took the baby to the first day of college. No longer under my roof.

I wept at the baby's wedding. Beginning of it's own family I told myself. This was how it's supposed to go. It hurt too much though... I cried....

* * *

The tears were real, the pain was real, but the baby wasn't real anymore. I felt the cold examination table under me. The nurse was patting my arm telling me it was all over. "Look on the bright side," she said, "No more sickness in the morning and that belly will go away in a few weeks."

I guess I really didn't want to go through all that pain anyway.

Copyright ©2001 Denise Howard. All Rights Reserved.

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June, 2001 Issue #62

256 Words

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