256 Words

What's Wrong With This Picture?

M. Stanley Bubien

Nielsen: (Takes controller in hand. Switches TV on.)

ET: "When it comes to Paparazzi, these top celebs are fed up." (Unstable video of Roseanne Barr approaching photographer. Argument ensues, but majority of Roseanne's words are beeped out.) "Tonight, it's the Hollywood backlash against Paparazzi."

Nielsen: (Clicks controller.)

Cops: (Deadpan voice of announcer.) "Paris police in a high-speed chase." (Scene of French police, English subtitles.) "Please step out of the car!" (Return to announcer.) "Paparazzi caught in the act." (Camera zooms toward car's passengers fleeing on foot, French police in pursuit.) "Or are they?"

Nielsen: (Clicks controller.)

Hard Copy: "Paparazzi! They're rude..." (Camera wielding man taunts approaching Sean Penn.) "They're ruthless..." (Camera wielding man lifts garbage-can lid to block right-hook from Sean Penn.) "They're downright evil!" (Camera wielding man grins as he clicks off photos of Sean Penn jumping up and down, grasping injured right hand and cursing.) "See them in action tonight on Hard Copy."

Nielsen: (Clicks controller.)

Local News: "Tonight at eleven. Paparazzi stalk Princess Di. Is your family next?"

Nielsen: (Clicks controller.)

Extra: "By day, this sexy Paparazzi captures Baywatch stars strutting their stuff." (Closeup of Pamela Anderson reaching to block camera.) "By night, she bares all for fashion photographers." (Pan across studio floor to woman's feet, follow her legs up, up, cut!) "Tonight she'll be baring her soul for an Extra exclusive!"

Nielsen: (Clicks controller.)

American Journal: "She says a Paparazzi stole her child." (Overweight, homely, round-faced woman frowns into camera.) "So she's taking the law into her own hands..." (Brief scene of woman aiming handgun.) "Tonight!"

Nielsen: (Sighs. Leans back. Clicks controller. Extra theme song fades in.)

Thanks to Bob Siegel.

Copyright ©1997 M. Stanley Bubien. All Rights Reserved.

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December, 1997
Issue #20

256 Words