512 Words

A Little Computer Trouble


A friend of mine works at a computer store in a farming community near Urbana Illinois. He's their Windows 95 guru, and though we've had some pretty legendary "religious" arguments about it, he's a pretty good sport---which, I think, is why he told me this quirky little tale and gave me permission to put it on the Internet. He swears it's true.

A customer walked into the store with a package one day and, after passing the time a bit, said he was having a computer problem. "S'all in the car," he drawled in a southern accent.

"Okay," my friend answered, "Why don't you describe what's wrong before bringing it in."

"Well," the customer explained, "I just have nary a bit of knowhow when it comes to computers."

My friend nodded, as the man was obviously a farmer.

"I hired this here consultin' feller. Told him I wanted somethin' simple, since I got nary a bit of knowhow when it comes to computers, and I been hearin' all 'bout that there pluggin' and playin' with that there Windows 95. Well, he slapped the whole kit 'n' caboodle together. Gave me some lessons too. That there computer's been hummin' away happy as a lark for the last year'r so. Yes'm. Been doin' my books and letters on it."

He leaned in close and whispered, "Even got my hearts game up to snuff. The wife's no match fer me now! That there Windows 95's somethin', I tell you!"

"Sounds like you got your money's worth," my friend said reassuringly.

"Yes'm. That I did. But you see, this here consultin' feller, he up and moved on outta the state, and I don't got nary an idea where he's at."

Rubbing his chin, the customer continued, "That's when I got to hearin' about some of them there improve'nts. I figured, what the hey, maybe that there consultin' feller's gone, but I've learned me a thing or two, 'n' maybe I can get me some of these improve'nts myself."

The customer produced his package---Microsoft Office for Windows 95.

"I tried everythin', but that darn machine kept right on tellin' me it wasn't gonna let me do what I wanted no matter how much I clicked or swore at it. Which really is perplexin' since that there computer's been so easy on me till now."

My friend smiled and said, "I'm sure I can get you fixed up. Why don't you go ahead and bring the computer in."

When the customer returned with a CPU and keyboard in tow, my friend's jaw almost dropped the ground. But, before he said anything, he wanted to double-check his diagnosis.

The computer started with a chime. My friend nodded and solemnly announced the solution. "Looks like you simply bought the wrong version of that program."

The customer's brow furled.

"Just go over to the sales department and tell them you need to exchange for the 'Macintosh' version.'"

On the way out, the customer, smiling from ear-to-ear, pumped my friend's hand heartily---and my friend hasn't heard from him since.

Copyright ©1997 Anonymous. All Rights Reserved.

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Story Bytes


June, 1997
Issue #14

512 Words